Blackout

outside my window the world is pitch black and silent. i lay in bed, heat surrounding me and keeping me safe, suffocating the fears i have in the pit of my stomach.
a tree scrapes across the gauze on my window, and my body freezes. i yank the doona over my head and block the world from me. somewhere in my throat something is lodged, i find it hard to breathe or swallow.
At times like these i miss you the most, i want you here with me, beside me, your arms around me to protect and comfort me from all the threats in my simple little house.
a shadow passes my bedroom door, was it a trick of the light or something more, my stomach knots and my blood pumps through my veins faster and faster every second.
i feel the empty bed beside me, cold and untouched. it seems disrespectful to disrupt the perfectly made sheets, so idont. i roll over and watch the lights of my stereo flicker.
i miss you so much that it hurts. i’ll never understand how god could let you leave me alone to defend myself, how you could give up so easily when our lives were only beginning to entwine. sometimes i forget your gone, and i’ll leave the light on in the driveway for you, so you can find the house in the empty street. i’ll serve your dinner onto a plate, only to have to scrape it into the bin seconds after..
its crazy how much someone can rely on a single being, so much that when they are gone, a part of them perishes. my body aches all over, so much that lying in a bath full of ice would probbaly be the only solution.
there are so many things i miss about you, so many memories iwant to put onto a hard drive and put in storage just so i know i’ll never forget.
the pendant around my neck, you know the one you gave me for christmas last year, the warmth under this blanket is heating it up and its beginning to sear into my skin like a branding.
its time to let you go.. but not until my very last etar is shed, my eyes are dried and the world is once again revolving.